Unless you are among the privileged few who work from home, you've probably experienced what I consider to be some of the biggest dregs of society: Breachers of Bathroom Protocol.
It is my belief that colleges and universities - heck, even high schools - should require a course in Professional Behavior & the Work Force. This would include, among other things, lessons in not stealing your co-worker's ergonomic mouse the second they go on vacation, not leaving your leftover lunches in the office refrigerator for three weeks until it turns moldy, not conducting conference calls with your office door open, and not expecting the person who has the misfortune of sitting in the office closest to the printer to fix every paper jam for you.
While these are important lessons, however, the crux of the class would be focused around Office bathroom etiquette. Namely:
1) ALWAYS, ALWAYS check that everything was flushed before leaving the stall. Women are especially bad about this, probably because we're so embarrassed that we had to go number 2 that we try to scurry out of the bathroom as soon as possible and don't take long enough to even pause to check the toilet.
2) Don't use the handicapped stall for going number 2. You're not fooling anyone. Just because it's the farthest away from the door and harder to see shoes and thus identify the person in the stall doesn't mean we don't all know what you're up to in there the second we walk in the door. We know there's no other reason for going into the handicapped stall, and you're just making life really unpleasant for a poor disabled person who actually needs to use the handicapped stall - especially if you fail to observe Rule #1.
3) Cell phones are NEVER to be brought into the bathroom. I don't care if it only takes me 45 seconds to pee and get out; I don't want to have to hear about your asinine argument with the cable company while I'm in there for those 45 seconds. Plus, have you ever thought about how many cooties on now on your cell phone? Disgusting.
4) Even if you don't wash your hands after going to the bathroom at home (you're gross!), at least do it at the office. Especially if you're someone's manager. Your co-workers will lose all respect entirely if they don't see you at least stick your hands under some running water for a few seconds. Use soap, and I bet they'll be more likely to stay late to help you meet that deadline.
5) Those of you who go to another floor in the office building to go number 2: you're also not fooling anyone. We see you when you walk out of the bathroom and head straight to the elevator. We're on to you when you walk out of a stall and you're not one of the 30 familiar faces we've been peeing with for the past 6 months. We know you just left us an unpleasant gift in the bathroom, and we hate you for it.
